a diamond in the rough.


Everything is going to be okay. It has to be, right? But to be honest with ourselves, we are never really sure. That’s where hope and faith are supposed to step in. They are the light in the darkness of our reality. They are the escape when we are trapped in our present tense. They are the keys that unlock our destiny. They can be the wind that slams the door shut on the past we are running from. Hold hope in one hand and faith in the other and you’ve got your entire world in the palm of your hands. You can do anything, be anything.

When you want something to happen, something to be the case, when you have trust that certain things you desire are going to happen, that’s hope. When you hold fast to your beliefs, not in the sense of religion, but when you maintain complete trust and confidence in someone or something, that’s faith. People get into serious trouble when they lose hope, when they lose faith. Especially when you lose it in yourself. It means there’s nothing left to hold onto anymore. If you can’t imagine your future, you let go of your present. Then you slip slowly into madness.

I’ve been there.

I’ve fallen into the void.

I’ve felt the nothing.

It’s not an easy place to be nor is it an easy place to escape from.

A certain kind of terror lives there.

It’s frightening.

All the monsters from my childhood collide with the monsters of my adulthood.

They reach their claws into my skull and start poking around.

A twist here, a tug there.

Fucking shit up.


Just because they can.

There are times when you have no idea you’re losing your hope, losing faith. They are the best times. Ignorance is bliss. The worst is when you feel them slipping through your fingers, a slow painful process, starving the life out of you. You scramble to maintain, to hold on, to think happy thoughts, to find the light – but you can’t. The monsters have stolen your flashlight, your light bulbs, your candles and your matches. You’re fumbling in the dark, in a familiar place, but still can’t find your way. As I said, it’s like madness.

Being a woman who has read a multitude of self-help books, inspirational reads, motivational works and those how-to-live-on-next-to-nothing survival manuals, I walked away with a few common threads. There is this possibility that you have the power to manifest things just by thinking them. You’ve heard of some of these I’m sure:

  • the power of positive thinking
  • the laws of attraction
  • what you put out there in the universe is what you get back
  • whatever you do comes back to you threefold

I do believe in all of this. And that’s what makes it so much harder to be consciously aware that I’m losing my positive self, one grain of sand at a time, until there is nothing left, until I’m staring down the barrel of chaos. Any happy thoughts are gunned down, with a sniper rifle, quick and at a distance, before they ever have a chance to reach me.

So my question is, how do I stop my life plane from crashing? Especially when hope and faith are the wings I need to fly. It seems I can’t go anywhere but down so I start to embrace for the impact. Unless, that is, I can pick myself back up. Keep the flight, keep the course.

How do I stop the crashing?

The trick to all of this is strength of the mind. To me, it’s one of the hardest things to develop. Go to the gym several times a week and after a while, your body morphs into a machine. But to make a beast out of your mind? That, my friends, is an incredible feat. Imagine it’s like how diamonds are made. Not impossible, no, but it requires certain methods. The power of positive thought is a diamond-forming process, it needs a whole lot of time and extreme pressure to create it.

If you think positive, it can change your entire outlook on life. If you have a goodness about you, you treat others fair and kindly, you work hard, you keep yourself honest and you do right with the world, the cosmic laws should attract good things to you. Or so they say. Beyond that, you can’t just sit on your ass waiting to reap those benefits, you’ve got to get out there and grab what’s yours for the taking. Build your own destiny.

The trouble with believing something like that is that sometimes it seems the odds are never in your favor no matter what you do. For every mountain you climb, there’s another one waiting for you right after it. It’s even higher and it’s way more menacing. You’re a good person, at least you think you are, but bad things always happen. Is there such a thing as luck? Good or bad? How about fate? Are we fated?

Bruce Lee once said, “Don’t pray for an easy life. Pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.” This is the quote I hold on to the dearest. In other words it tells me, don’t be a victim. Don’t be a victim to your circumstances and don’t play a victim by allowing your frail mind to make itself weaker and succumb to your own personal tragedies. A tragedy to you might not be the same for another. Though some of our circumstances are beyond our control, like the lives we are born into (fortunate or not), we all have the same amount of time in each day. Only we can control the thoughts that run through our mind. Only we can choose what to do with those hours and how to feel about what we’re doing in them. This remains true even if when we can’t control whatever else is left to circumstance. We have the ability to change our stars and align with a new universe – – if we want to, if we have the courage to.

This can only begin by forging an inner strength that outweighs the weight of your world.

It’s not impossible.

Your mind has the ability to create diamonds out of your darkness.

It would not be possible if your life didn’t bring the heat, provide the pressure, give you the time.

Your mind is a diamond in the rough, forged from the hell you have to go through.

With time comes strength, metamorphosis, beauty.

You are built from the pressure your life has given you.

The most precious diamonds are the ones who have lived the most trying of lives.

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